[His breathing is measured, calm in a way that he hadn't anticipated in the face of this being thrown at him.]
Skye, I care about you. What built between us, that wasn't an act. It wasn't intended and it wasn't what I expected when you were first placed on the team. So, you not understanding is fine. I know that I have to live with my actions, but I'm also here on this ship with you. So I'm not going to lie to you and I'm not going to hurt you.
And one day, you'll trust that I mean what I say to you.
[He nods to himself, almost convincing himself of some unknown date in the future that he'll learn to rely on. The twist is that he's never had anyone that he could trust, he's always felt as if he's been on his own and surviving, doing his job and keeping with the orders was the way to maintain -- now he has her and he's not going to just drop it because she doesn't understand.]
[ He'd said it before, of course, that first day after the jump. Explained that he wasn't going to hurt her, that he cared. It wasn't until now, though, that she realized what kind of caring he meant. As it sinks in, nausea welled in her throat. She stepped away from the comm device, covering her hand with her mouth and pacing.
It should have occurred to her before now. But she knew what was going on between him and May (or she thought she did). Crushes were crushes, and though Skye felt something for him, she'd gracefully bowed out for the time being. To have it slung back in her face now, have him playing at it being real, latching onto that connection, it made her feel blind and weak all over again. The man she'd started to fall for never existed. He was an illusion, a mask. And somehow, the serial killer that took his place had fixated on her instead. ]
You're insane.
[ It didn't matter, in the long run, if she believed what he said or not. Maybe what he felt was real—that made it worse. He'd done all of that despite what he felt for her. It hadn't stopped him. What about that was any good? What about that looked anything like love? ]
[It's easier for her, he defends. Simple for her to just excuse it away because she hasn't been there, hasn't seen how they could be together. How simple it felt, easy and almost enough to make him forget the rest of it.
It wasn't enough, though, and even now as he tries to build her up in his mind she thrashes at it and destroys any image he might want to cling to. He knows it might never happen, but he can still hang his hope on it.
[ He was right about one thing, at least: this was simpler. Transposing all her strong positive feelings for him to hate would always be simpler than reaching for the apathy she so desperately wanted to feel. The betrayal was fresh, an open wound rife with salt, and with it came all the disgust over what only too recently she would have been happy to hear. She projected her shame of her own naivete onto him in that form. ]
No. It is NOT FINE. You killed people, turned on all of us. You're a monster, and there will NEVER be ANYTHING between us.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Skye, I care about you. What built between us, that wasn't an act. It wasn't intended and it wasn't what I expected when you were first placed on the team. So, you not understanding is fine. I know that I have to live with my actions, but I'm also here on this ship with you. So I'm not going to lie to you and I'm not going to hurt you.
And one day, you'll trust that I mean what I say to you.
[He nods to himself, almost convincing himself of some unknown date in the future that he'll learn to rely on. The twist is that he's never had anyone that he could trust, he's always felt as if he's been on his own and surviving, doing his job and keeping with the orders was the way to maintain -- now he has her and he's not going to just drop it because she doesn't understand.]
no subject
[ He'd said it before, of course, that first day after the jump. Explained that he wasn't going to hurt her, that he cared. It wasn't until now, though, that she realized what kind of caring he meant. As it sinks in, nausea welled in her throat. She stepped away from the comm device, covering her hand with her mouth and pacing.
It should have occurred to her before now. But she knew what was going on between him and May (or she thought she did). Crushes were crushes, and though Skye felt something for him, she'd gracefully bowed out for the time being. To have it slung back in her face now, have him playing at it being real, latching onto that connection, it made her feel blind and weak all over again. The man she'd started to fall for never existed. He was an illusion, a mask. And somehow, the serial killer that took his place had fixated on her instead. ]
You're insane.
[ It didn't matter, in the long run, if she believed what he said or not. Maybe what he felt was real—that made it worse. He'd done all of that despite what he felt for her. It hadn't stopped him. What about that was any good? What about that looked anything like love? ]
no subject
It wasn't enough, though, and even now as he tries to build her up in his mind she thrashes at it and destroys any image he might want to cling to. He knows it might never happen, but he can still hang his hope on it.
It's all he has left. He can't lose that, too.]
It's fine, Skye. I knew to expect this.
no subject
No. It is NOT FINE. You killed people, turned on all of us. You're a monster, and there will NEVER be ANYTHING between us.
no subject